A Peaceful Night

The last of the sunlight's rays set beyond the horizon;

The peacefulness settles among the world.

The whispers of the trees,

The flight of nocturnal wings,

The sounds of night hushes the world.

The moon listens, the rivers hum,

Darkness settles among the hills

The trees are quiet,

The shrubs do not stir

As Death passes along the pathway

Stopping by every organism,

Quieting the elements of nature.

Earth settles down,

The moon dances with the stars

Along the milky way;

The birds are silent,

The mice make no peep,

As Mother Earth settles down for her forever sleep.

Over and Over

I have been broken

I have been repaired

Over and over again

I stand alone

I stand protected

Confusion still dominates

I fall apart

And am never put back together

I wish it would all just end

But it just keeps happening

Over and over again

it will never end.

The Pact

They all look my way

I turn away so they cannot see

The pain that haunts my mind

The pain causing me to become crazy

I was happy once, I think

Until I broke the heart

Of the only one

That I truly loved

We both signed the pact

First she went

And now she is gone

I wept for my lost love

I could not do it

I could not go through with the pact

What would she care anyway?

She was gone.

I do not want to know about

The things I have to live without

A sword, a fierce lion, a courageous fighter

Everything I am not;

All because I did not go through with the pact.

Then I remembered

It was then that I had remembered

Yes, the moment it all came back to me

The moment my heart had failed to beat

The moment the flame whithered away and died

It was in that moment--

That single moment--

I felt pitied

I felt useless

I felt alone,

Consumed by what I felt.

I had nothing left,

Nothing to hold on to

Sorrow had left my side,

In that moment

I knew it would not be enough

To say I needed help

It was in that moment

I felt the chilled silence

I had suffered an emotional lack

Of life and of love and of happiness

I felt pained,

Worthless,

Forbidden to ever love again,

Yes, that was the moment

That I had remembered death.

Do you hear me?

Do you hear me?

Why does it always seem

That you are so happy

With other people

But when I come along

you become depressed?

It hurts my feelings,

You know.

Too many times

I have cried over you.

I have tried to let go

But it is impossible--

My eyes burn from these silly tears

I thought you were different,

I thought that you loved everyone;

I guess I was wrong about that

Because I am the only one

That you will never love.

I wish you could feel my pain

That which I hold inside;

I hold away from you

So you don't see I have been hurt

By you.

My wounds are in plain site,

But your heart is not.

Depression Hurts

No more life

Just for a second

I am unwanted,

I am alone

I am confused,

I am depressed.

I never believed them

That depression hurts

Now I feel abused

I feel lost.

I feel cursed,

I feel invisible,

I feel hated.

Depression hurts.

And it won't go away.

Wrong

Everything in life is wrong;

Everything I do is wrong;

What I do makes people sad--

People hate me for what I've become.

I was once happy--

They think it was her fault,

But it wasn't because she was my friend.

At least she stuck up for me unlike everyone else.

But everything is wrong.

Everyone was wrong.

I am wrong.

Time

I listen to the songs of the birds;

The humming of the wind against the trees;

I think that this won't last very long--

It will all be over soon.

But I don't have to spend time

With any of the people that I love

Because they don't love me back--

They would be able to live without me.

How it Feels

This is how it feels:

Love is terrifying

Happiness is a knife

Roses are Death

I try to love them

Me--alone in a world filled with crazies

Me--a snake as cruel as the burning sun

I am only a reflection

I am a tissue: used and thrown away.

So this is how it feels:

The past is a shadow

Tears of blood

Life begins to fade.

It is more than just a lost life.

Coins will buy no time.

Roses are Red I

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

Cashews are nuts

But you don't have any

Because you were stupid

Not to believe me

When I believed you

And you lied

To my face.

You said it was true--

You said it would happen

I never left--

You never came.

I stood there--

You walked away.

I said I love you--

You said I don't care.

Roses are Black

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I’ve always had,

More emotions than you.

The roses have wilted,

The violets are dead,

There’s way too much info,

That I’ve already said.

The red turns to black,

And blue turns to gray,

There’s nothing more,

That I shall say.

Judgment

Sometimes I wonder if they really see me

Or if they see the girl I show, even if it's not the real me

I wonder if they judge the type of person I am

I wonder if I judge them as much as they judge me

Do they judge me at all?

Probably.

But what I don't get is why they won't talk to me.

My world is ruined because of them.

I tried to kill myself because of them.

I needed help because of them.

It's all their fault.

I betrayed them.

So they betrayed me.

Invisibility II

You walk down the hall

I say hello

You pass by my side

I say goodbye

I feel all lonely,

I feel deserted

I guess you never loved me.

Winter

The cold icicles of winter

Feel cold after running

Miles and Miles

And the fresh air

Rushing through your lungs

The trees with the snow

The grass veiled in white

The sun--

Yellow and barely warm--

Covered by clouds,

Blurry to the eyes--

The sky is gray

And at least if you are sad

There would be no blue sky

To make you feel worse

The wind is cold and freezes you--

You become numb.

The water is cold and may kill you

Like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body.

The air is cold and chills the lungs

Hurting the intestines, freezing your blood.

Appreciate the winter

Because you never know

When your last day is.

I Love You Too

It's hard to tell a person that you love them

Because you have no idea

What they are going to say back to you

You don't know

If they are going to say they love you back

Or if they are going to say that they hate you

It takes so much--

Only a little bit of hate to hurt a person

But so much love to heal a person

Because you can never heal that person fully--

They are still bruised inside and out.

But if you say you love someone

And they say it back,

You'll feel so good inside

Because you know that they meant it

And then you would be so happy--

But it's easier to feel happy and alone,

Than to feel miserable with company

So go out and say that you love your friends

And you love your family, your lover.

Be happy and make others feel happy

And make sure

That you love yourself as well.

Dreams

*This is like my poem Love*

I always thought

That maybe dreams could come true

But that's hard to make those dreams

To come true

It may almost be impossible

To make things

Like love

Come true

Love. Hate. Friendship. Desire.

The only things that come from those

Are loss and pain

Stabbing through your flesh

Like a knife

Cutting deep into your heart

To find the soul

That once was there

But is no more

Dreams don't come true

You have to make them come true

But no one cares

About your dreams--

All they do

Is just smash them

Into a million pieces

And it hurts so much--

The pain inside--

Like small shards of glass

That you cannot remove.

Love

Love always lies

At the bottom of the sea

Of loneliness--

If it does not swim to the top

It cannot breath--

It suffocates.

That is why

Relationships do not stay together

For long.

Love must swim to the surface

To breathe. To live.

Once Love can reach the top

Of the bitterness and cold

And the heart unfreezes

It can do anything.

Love can desire for

Another's heart

Or break their heart

Or want to live peacefully

With the one it really loves

Love is one special element on this earth--

It is priceless.

Don't let it go--

Keep the heart safe and away from danger of being split

Because it is not the cold glass heart

That is broken, but the Love--

The soul inside of the heart.

And if the heart is broken

It is forever lost

In a sea of darkness

Keep it. Cherish it.

That is Love.

Alone II

I sit alone and try to love them

I sit alone and drown in tears

I sit alone and try to speak

But nothing comes out

I am forever silent to the bone.

I speak words of the Dark Lord

I speak words that kill

I speak words of wisdom

But it never is the truth about my past

I'm a hypocrite.

I sit alone and try to love them

I sit alone to think of how I may

Conquer my ultimate fears.

I sit alone and try to love them

I sit alone and laugh like Death.

Alone

I sit alone in the corner,
Sunshine so bright it blinds me--
The birds melt away their sadness.

All those who deserve to die
Are still living, it's not fair--
All those who deserve to live
Are gone, it's not fair.

But sometimes those
Who deserve to die
And who know they deserve to die
Make it quick, painless.

The world is faded behind them.
The breath fogs their brains
The memories are faded forever.

I sit alone and think of my life,
I sit alone and try to laugh--
I sit alone and think of death,
I speak those silent words.

Invisibility I

The worst feeling in the world is loneliness

The loneliest feeling in the world is invisibility

Because no matter how much I talk

No matter how much I show myself

No one will notice, no one sees.

The hands of time pass by so slowly

Nothing works to show I am there.

The feelings are so hateful inside my mind--

Every day it happens over and over

I am sucked into the river, never able to get back out

Drowning in loneliness--

No matter how much I scream,

I'll still die because no one hears me.

No matter how much I try to swim to shore,

I sink farther and faster like a rock that no one sees or cares about.

No matter how much I try to live my life to the fullest

I am still dying on the inside.

I am torn apart by the rose thorns

I am marked by the scars no one sees--

They turn away when I enter into the room.

They look right through me as if I'm invisible--

I have let down my guard.

I stood strong covered by the armor that has suddenly uncovered me.

I feel naked behind my happy mask.

As I take it off I am shattered to pieces

I feel blind, unable to see my pain, unable to conquer my fears

The sword threatens to impale me with it's piercing blade

And kill me with the venom of a thousand times seven voices

Screaming at me to wake up

To wake up to reality

Which is my darkest nightmare

I can't get away from the darkness--

I have become the Angel of Death

They thought that I had been cured

But I had lied my whole life away

My heart slipped and is broke in ten million pieces

That will never repair

Because the pieces are too small to see.

My soul is vulnerable--

It has been dominated--

By hatred--

By dismay--

By loneliness--

And mostly by pain

I hate the curse of a thousand words

Telling me that I am invisible.

Run

Running, Running

Running from her fears, Running from her pain

Shoes slipping against the pavement

Breathing heavily

In, out, in out, in, out

Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hid

Watch it!

Tears of blood running down

Across the cheek, the legs, the arms

Like waterfalls

Hair slapping the face ferociously

Rushing. Running

Blood gushes from her knees

From the hands

Face is pale, hot, clammy

Help!

Where to run?

Stop.

Pain rushes through the body to the head

The adrenaline rushes faster

Nowhere to go

Start running again

Before you get caught.

GO!

Happiness

Happiness sits on the sidelines

On the bleachers as the game plays

No one sees her

No one notices,

No one even looks at her

No one even knows she's there

No one even knows she exists

She just sits and watches

The game play out

She knows that people miss her

And without her they are nothing

But now they think they can keep living without her

They think they can make their own happiness

But they are wrong

The so-called happiness that they show

Is just hidden hate, but they don't know.

Happiness stands up

Knowing that her place is making people happy

Not sad and miserable

Go, Happiness.

Spread yourself through everyone in the world.

Make them happy that you are there.

That is what Happiness is there for--

Hence the name Happiness.

A Young Teenager's Voice and Heart

People always say

That teenagers are all the same

Hyper. Happy

And always joyful

But that isn't all true

A young teenager has a voice and heart

And a mind

And a soul that no one sees

Because they never look

But if they did they might actually see

The young teenager's voice and heart

Some teenagers are sad and depressed

Because people judge them

And don't listen to them

But one day they must listen to

A young teenager's voice and heart.

Alone in the Rain

Being cold and alone

Is like being in the dark rain

Without an umbrella

It's scary and lonesome

You wish there would be a building

That you could heat up in.

A person to keep you company

But there isn't

Everyone else is safe in their own homes

Warm and quiet

Having a fight inside the house

Is better

Thank having to stay in th rain

Cold and alone by yourself

With no one at all to care for you

But maybe you might see

A taxi, or a large tree you could stand under

To keep you company and to keep you dry.

Maybe being alone isn't so bad after all,

You get to see the world

And see things that you never get to

When you always are with someone else.

It's nice to have a friend

But it feels free to be alone--

Even in the rain.