Lies

I speak alone
A girl in a world
Where no one understand.

No one notices me
No one even sees me
But I see all of them

I know their stories
And I know their secrets
I know their lies they tell me.

I know everything that they speak.
I know it all
So why do they keep lying to me?

Don't

Don't kiss me

If you are going to break my heart

Don't hold my hand

If you are going to leave it empty

Don't say I love you

If you don't really mean it

Don't whisper in my ear

If all you tell is lies

Don't lead me to your heart

If all you do is shadow me

Don't help me now

If you are going to shatter me

Don't say anything

Because I don't want to hear it.

Suicide

A wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister

We will all remember her;

She was an amazing child

Growing up in a household

With friends who were fond of her,

Now with a man who thought the world of her,

Children who adored her,

A mother who took care of her,

A sister that loved her oh so dearly;

She had a great life,

One that she seemed to enjoy

And then

BAM!

Right to the heart;

Shattered by a bullet,

And she was gone

By her own hand.

Gone (A different poem)

My ideas are gone, my brain is useless

Storing deep thoughts of life unknown

Hope unseen

Joy not worth living for

As my ideas try to flow from my hand to paper

I just try to recollect the feelings

That I once had

Just because of you

No more thoughts, no more ideas

No more worries, and no more pain

It helps to think about it sometimes

A million voices smash around in my head

Like tiny bees trying to escape out the window

Thump! Thump!

Lost Forever

A burning tongue, a lonely soul

A written blank ad a vain sneer

Helpless, burdened until everything leaves

The soft rustling of rivers

She lies in darkness

Soft fingers stroke her cheeks

Leaves rustle around her

The river flows around her body

Suffocating, but provoking,

Daring her to cross the deep depths into darkness.

The bloody forest of tears and pain

The water tingles

She must forfeit her life.

The rose thorns pull nastily at her skin –

As they pull her down,

Her mask reveals.

She falls into the deep abyss

Of lonesome scars that mark her soul.

Forever lost

Into the death river

Helpless, falling

With no one to catch her

Lost forever.

I Promised Myself

I promised myself I would not cry

When I found out you left me.

I promised myself I would not cry

But you still held the knife.

I promised myself I would not cry

When hands of time passed me by.

I promised myself I would not cry

But the weight hangs on my shoulders like lead.

I promised myself I would not cry

But it hurts too much to stop the pain.

I promised myself I would not cry

But I left and you left and we both left each other.

I promised myself I would not cry

When bloody tears of pain washed down my face.

I promised myself I would not cry

But the songs are like nightmares in my head.

I promised myself I would not cry

When burning words sear the page.

I promised myself I would not cry

But I drink from a pool of vanity.

I promised myself I would not cry

But the river of tears fills the world.

I promised myself I would not cry

But sorrows fall like rain.

I promised myself I would not cry

But I heard the silent song of the nightingale.

I promised myself I would not cry

But my tears fell anyway.

Darkness

A blinking star shines its light through the window

As cold tears fall from blood-shot eyes

The hands of time caress the clock

As time slowly walks by.

The darkness has set upon the lands

Searching for any sign of life

Death leaps for joy as the night falls

Cupid has settled his wings

The moon dances, the star flashes

Sleep falls upon the earth

As the whole land is coveted by darkness.

The winds speak their words

Lightly as the breeze taps the windows

The trees whisper secrets

Of the rivers that rush like falling rain

The sun hides behind the mountains

Like a sinful mourner behind closed curtains

Darkness settles down at last

And the earth is ready for its forever sleep.

Inside My Head

A voice inside my head

Screams at me

Yelling toward my soul

Screaming at me to wake up

Not to see the lies

But to see reality

The truth that hurts so much

Burning my fingertips

Like bring flames

Burning at my soul

But the flame has burnt out

Freezing me to death

It hurts so much to feel the ice

The ice that melts in icicles down my spine

Death burns the poles

But freezes the equator

The future shows nothing

The past finds everything

Every truth no one wants to hear

Ever lie that people

Seem to want to hear

Lost in time

Forever. Lost.

Frozen and Gone

Lost in fright the frozen darkness

Seeks in cold possibilities

Of never showing peaceful feelings

Negative entities in a cage

Never showing the light through the darkness

Death lurks among cold waters

The trees which branches dance

The moon that flits across the sky

The Milky Way, lovely

And clean as butter milk

Dots the sky with brightly shining

Balls of light

Shooting across the gleeful sky

Like rose petals fallen

From the only source of life

The rose thorns impale

Those who threaten its lover

With knives of steel

Silver blades against cold wounds

Frozen and gone forever.

So Far

Crossing the border

Like a misled bat

Soaring across the seas

Wishing to get so much farther

Away from its home

Never wanting to stop

Feeling as if

Home is still nearby.

Going farther still does not seem

Far enough away.

It always seems way too close

So rest never comes.

Death Wish

We pass by the trees—

We could crash into them.

We drive over a bridge—

If it was icy we could slip,

Or it could just break and we would fall to our death.

Cars pass us

We drive on streets that lead to no place

Every time we turn

We find something

Less exciting than the last

Surrounded by nothing but air

The sun’s rays beat down on me

I stumble to the ground

Unable to see what is in front of me

Finale

I seem so happy and loving life

I seem as if I am the happiest person

In the world

I seem as if I am perfect

But I do not seem sad.

I am always depressed and I hate life.

I am probably one of the most depressed people

You know

Perfect people do not exist

Happy people do not cry

For someone else’s loss

Every night.

Happy people do not harm themselves,

Wishing that each cut would come closer

To the finale.

Carpe Diem!

Carpe Diem!

Seize the day!

Join the love

As if it may

I think of you

I feel the height

Like birds elite

With wings on flight

Help me now

This mournful woe

I miss you, love

You do not know.

But I must not

Make life eject

Go out and live

Keep it erect.

Summer’s days

And autumn’s nights

Do not abandon

Keep it light.

I Am Full

My head is full

Of truths and lies

Of words unspoken

Of thoughts unheard

Of dreams unseen

My heart is full

Of pain and sorry

Of desperate needs

Of life unknown

Of secrets kept quiet

My body is full

Of scars and burns

From tortures I have done

And of secrets written out

Paragraphs never seen.

Another

Another birth

Another life

Another one

To die

Another child

From God’s own arms

Another soul

That will be tortured

Another human

Another babe

Another jerk

To learn how life really is

Another person

Another entity

Another life

That will learn the truth

Teardrops beneath Stormy Weather

She sometimes wondered

If it was a strong relationship;

They fought all the time

About the littlest things

That would not make a difference.

So one day she had enough

Of the agonizing pain

That ceased to stop

She knew she just had o endure

But no more could she

She took the knife

Slowly she brought it down her arm

She fell to the ground

Lifeless, and finally painless

Death gripped her in his sturdy arms

Tears fell from her mourners eyes

Tears of wet salt, tears of blood

Through the fog

And under the dark sky

There were teardrops beneath stormy weather.

Gone

In a few simple words

He said it to me

But I did not listen

He said it so softly

I swore I did not hear him

But he still said it

He spoke those words to me

“I love you”

I did not say it back

And he was gone.

Somewhere, Sometime

Somewhere, sometime

Where blossoms bloomed

And plants sprouted

As if the wind chased them

With the beating heart of a running fire.

Somewhere, sometime

In a place where those pains lurked

Among cold hearted weeds

And shadows appeared

Out of nowhere to still glances to kill

Somewhere, sometime

In a heart where the soul hides

White and black the colors interchange

The auras lay unbroken

Behind each person, a lily.

Somewhere, sometime

In a place where words burn their hearts out

Like the sun beats down

On a ninety-six degree weather day

Killing every living creature in its path.

Somewhere, sometime

In the pouring rain

Where everything aches on my body

With clothes that itch

Like mosquitoes that bug you.

Somewhere, sometime

Everything has a place

The earth is silent and comforting.

Speechless Invisibility

Book I

It was as if no one saw her, as if no one cared.

She didn't know they cared a lot more than she thought.

They didn't know what to do; they didn't know what to say

They never knew what she wanted – she kept all that to herself –

She kept everything to herself

She hardly ever spoke a word to anyone.

She kept so quiet that people wouldn't know she was there

She neither had any friends nor did she have enemies

No one liked her, no one hated her

She knew that.

She kept silent, moving through the hallways like a ghost

She had average grades so no one would notice –

They wondered if she had a secret, but she didn't say.

She was afraid that if she said something

That it would be too much information

So she kept quiet.

Book II

They didn't know what was going

To happen

They didn't ask her – she wouldn't have given them an answer

She might have known

But she said nothing.

They wanted to know

They wanted to find out

She didn't want them to know, she didn't want to find out.

But she knew something was going to happen,

She could feel it inside of her,

She felt it pulsing through her veins –

The adrenaline rushed around like a twister.

She was quiet on her last day,

No one ever saw it, but she had just known it was her last day.

She stared into space because she didn't want to see anything

She tuned out the teachers because she didn't want to hear them

She was quiet, very quiet, on her last day.

She was jumpy, knowing at any second it was going to happen.

But she wasn't frightened at all because she knew it wouldn't be a bad thing.

Book III

When it happened she knew

When it happened

Nobody else noticed.

She sat in the way back –

Just so no one would have

To see her –

Or not see her.

Since she was invisible

To the world anyway

It wouldn't have mattered

It was a loss that no one knew about.

She felt nothing,

No body parts –

Nothing.

She felt light –

So light

It was like landing

On the moon –

Weightless in thin air

It was like a door

That won't open

Or one that does

And it goes to nowhere

She wasn't afraid.

She accepted it –

She accepted all of it.

Book IV

Invisibility dominated her life

The bell rang

And everyone left –

Everyone except her

She wanted to make certain.

She picked up her books and walked past the teacher

Who did not see her.

She walked

Through the emptying hallways.

The students neither turned towards her

Nor did they acknowledge her existence.

Why was that?

Is it because they did not like her?

Maybe it was because they did not think

That she knew they were there either

But she did –

She wanted them to know that –

She wanted them to know she actually did exist.

She wished so much that they did nott think

That she was invisible

Now she really was.

And it was all her fault.

A Poisoned Soul

Book I

I remember her only from memory

Only from the photographs

I see her

I thought that it was they

That did not understand me

But I guess I was wrong.

Instead it was I

That misunderstood them

I could not imagine

What it was like without you

Until it happened

Book II

You left me and then

We were apart

Forever

I lied

When I said

That I hated you

I made up those rumors

I tell you the truth now

But I do not know why

I thought I loved you

I thought I was head over heals

Falling in love with you

But I guess I was wrong.

Book III

But I guess I was somewhat right

When I said

That you hated me.

But really

It was my entire fault.

It was because

I did not listen to you.

It was because

You thought I hated you.

Which I thought I did

But I lied.

To everyone I lied;

To everyone I said

I hated them.

Book IV

Let us see what the truth really is

Let us see

Because I want to know

And I know that you

Want to know as well

So here is the truth

I felt stupid

I felt neglected

I needed her

She was like a drug to me.

I injected her poison into me

Slowly and forcefully.

But it was as if

It did not work the first time

So I had to keep injecting the poison.

I never listened to anyone

Maybe I wanted the attention

So much that I did not care

At all about anything.

Or maybe I needed the attention

Because I felt

I had nothing left.

Or possible

I was just too desperate

For any attention

That I would do anything

To gain it.

Book V

I just want to say

That I am sorry

I am so sorry

For how much I have hurt you

How much have I

Drained you of life?

You did not deserve this.

I must have been so bad

That everyone hates me now

I wish

I could take it all back.

Never will it happen again

Because

I will never see you again.

I have gotten help

But then I needed more

I just wanted you to pay

For something you did not do.

It was my entire fault

Because

I was too stupid to know.

Because

That is who I really am.

I am a stupid child

Who knows not

Of the dangers

And the consequences

Which are to come.

Friends Forever

A heart, a soul,
From the core of a person.
Loving, caring,
But not as close as blood.
Daring to place
A life for a loved one.
Not a sibling,
No, not even family at all.
But a friend,
A loving one that cares.
Someone to go to in time of need.
Someone to call when no one else is around.
That's a friend.
Borders pull us apart,
But one thing in common.
A bracelet,
A love,
A bag,
A traveling bag.
That's friendship.
That's what we are.
You and me.
Friends.
Friends forever.

In Her Mind

It was all in her mind

That she thought

She was so special

But she was wrong.

Nobody really cared

No one at all

They were all preoccupied

With their own pathetic lives.

They never cared

But she could never see that

Because she wanted

Their slicing words

Just to stop.

Lost Forever

A burning tongue, a lonely soul
A written blank ad a vain sneer
Helpless, burdened until everything leaves
The soft rustling of rivers
She lies in darkness
Soft fingers stroke her cheeks
Leaves rustle around her
The river flows around her body
Suffocating, but provoking
Daring her to cross
The deep depths into darkness.
The bloody forest of tears and pain
The water tingles
She must forfeit her life.
The rose thorns pull nastily at her skin--
As they pull her down,
Her mask reveals.
She falls into the deep abyss
Of lonesome scars that mark her soul.
Forever lost
Into the death river
Helpless, falling
With no one to catch her
Lost forever.

A Peaceful Night

The last of the sunlight's rays set beyond the horizon;

The peacefulness settles among the world.

The whispers of the trees,

The flight of nocturnal wings,

The sounds of night hushes the world.

The moon listens, the rivers hum,

Darkness settles among the hills

The trees are quiet,

The shrubs do not stir

As Death passes along the pathway

Stopping by every organism,

Quieting the elements of nature.

Earth settles down,

The moon dances with the stars

Along the milky way;

The birds are silent,

The mice make no peep,

As Mother Earth settles down for her forever sleep.

Over and Over

I have been broken

I have been repaired

Over and over again

I stand alone

I stand protected

Confusion still dominates

I fall apart

And am never put back together

I wish it would all just end

But it just keeps happening

Over and over again

it will never end.

The Pact

They all look my way

I turn away so they cannot see

The pain that haunts my mind

The pain causing me to become crazy

I was happy once, I think

Until I broke the heart

Of the only one

That I truly loved

We both signed the pact

First she went

And now she is gone

I wept for my lost love

I could not do it

I could not go through with the pact

What would she care anyway?

She was gone.

I do not want to know about

The things I have to live without

A sword, a fierce lion, a courageous fighter

Everything I am not;

All because I did not go through with the pact.

Then I remembered

It was then that I had remembered

Yes, the moment it all came back to me

The moment my heart had failed to beat

The moment the flame whithered away and died

It was in that moment--

That single moment--

I felt pitied

I felt useless

I felt alone,

Consumed by what I felt.

I had nothing left,

Nothing to hold on to

Sorrow had left my side,

In that moment

I knew it would not be enough

To say I needed help

It was in that moment

I felt the chilled silence

I had suffered an emotional lack

Of life and of love and of happiness

I felt pained,

Worthless,

Forbidden to ever love again,

Yes, that was the moment

That I had remembered death.

Do you hear me?

Do you hear me?

Why does it always seem

That you are so happy

With other people

But when I come along

you become depressed?

It hurts my feelings,

You know.

Too many times

I have cried over you.

I have tried to let go

But it is impossible--

My eyes burn from these silly tears

I thought you were different,

I thought that you loved everyone;

I guess I was wrong about that

Because I am the only one

That you will never love.

I wish you could feel my pain

That which I hold inside;

I hold away from you

So you don't see I have been hurt

By you.

My wounds are in plain site,

But your heart is not.

Depression Hurts

No more life

Just for a second

I am unwanted,

I am alone

I am confused,

I am depressed.

I never believed them

That depression hurts

Now I feel abused

I feel lost.

I feel cursed,

I feel invisible,

I feel hated.

Depression hurts.

And it won't go away.